Gpa(Sam Stout) RIP

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
                                                                                                                       -Theodor Seuss Geisel

                                                                              Gpa and Me     
                                                                        CJ  and  Gpa

 

 The Complications first started at my Aunt's wedding, I believe it was October 2004 (he out lasted that marriage). I don't know if it was his lungs or his heart that finally gave out. It really doesn't matter either way the outcome is the same. This was the expected result and we all knew that Gpa's time was limited but he said not until after the football season was over.  You can try to be prepared but you never want the day to actually come.

I have been thinking of him all day. All I can see is the steady decline of his health as he inched closer to his last breathe. I just keep seeing him in the hospital earlier in the year, I see him in the kitchen telling me that I need to finish the steaks on the BBQ because he couldn't physically finish them.  I see him with the oxygen in his nose and a little cigar in his hand has he lifts it toward his mouth.(that was a scene that was hard to watch in person) I hear him telling me to sell off his construction tools because he won't need them anymore. All these sequences are playing, in my mind, at varying speeds with some other snapshots mixed in. They all end the same, with him laying on the floor with a blue sheet covering his body with his purple lifeless face exposed.

I know that there are better memories but I just can't visualize them. Like how he used to make us pancakes, waffles for CJ, with bacon for breakfast every morning. He would drive us to school and pick us up, usually stopping for a sluppee in the warm months. He would let me watch TV in is room, usually sports but one moment that sticks out was watching President Bill Clinton demand that he "did not have sexual relations with that women" and then admit "I did have sexual relations." That was before I knew what a blowjob was, a quick question to Gpa solved that mystery. He let me fill out Cal-Neva parley cards every week. He helped me perfect my hook shot. How he looked like a frog because he claimed "Between your mother and grandmother, I don't have any ass left to be chewed, so fuck it, let em bitch, it makes them feel better." He would provide me with my drug of choice until my addiction would match his own. Mine was mountain dew, his was beer and nicotine. He would handle the fire department when we would hold our weekly bon-fires Most of all he was the first person to treat me like an adult.

For years, almost every night we would meet in the clubhouse(usually the garage, or a corner of the yard, and a bon-fire where permited) and just talk about everything under the sun. Once the conversation started to repeat CJ and I knew Gpa had about 1.5 too many beers and it was time for bed. Of course some of his life lessons didn't make their way into my belief system, but he would always finish a point with "Nic knows" and he would nod at CJ and take a drink. Most the time I didn't know, until that second.

Gpa or Sam Stout is who he Social Security checks were made out too. He was a stubborn, miserable old cuss but he had a soft spot for our family. He is at least 80x more of a father than any other male has been in my life. His flaws were many but instantly forgiven because I there is not one I would rather have around.  He never told anyone about his kids just about how he had 4 grandkids (we aren't blood, but we are family.) He didn't sugar coat anything he always was a straight shooter like John Wayne. He could be charming if he needed to be. If anything he thought me to be neutral in conflicts that don't concern me, but always remain loyal in ones that do.

Gpa you will be missed. Don't worry I'll make sure that pooch and cosmo are with you

drink. Most the time I didn't know, until that second. 

Gpa or Sam Stout is who he SS checks were made out too. He was a stubborn, miserable old cuss but he had a soft spot for our family. He is at least 80x more of a father than any other male has been in my life. His flaws were many but instantly forgiven because I wouldn't rather have anyone else.  He never told anyone about his kids just about how he had 4 grandkids (we aren't blood, but we are family.) He didn't sugar coat anything he always was a straight shooter like john wayne. He could be charming if he needed to be. If anything he tought me to be netural in conflicts that don't concern me, but always remain loyal to ones that do.

Gpa you will be missed. Don't worry I'll make sure that pooch and cosmo are with you